Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace leads the D-listers at latest Danny Dyer movie in super-tight minidress
She may be a D-lister, but Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail is in love with Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace and thinks she looks ‘busty’ and ‘shapely’ in a super-tight minidress.

‘The 31-year-old’s willingness to attend functions in revealing outfits is no doubt part of the reason for her enduring appeal,’ sighs the red-blooded tabloid over images captured by Getty.

Big Brother’s Aisleyne calls on glamour girls and Z-list friends for tackiest book launch ever
Big Brother star turned model Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace accidently exposed a nipple at the launch of her autobiography, much to the delight of Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail which snapped up pics from Matrix Photos.

‘The launch of Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace’s autobiography was never likely to be a highbrow affair,’ bitches the tabloid’s Lizzie Smith. ‘The world record for number of fake breasts under one roof must have been under threat.’

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.