Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Million Dollar Body: Hilary Swank, 36, shows off her incredibly flat stomach
When Hilary Swank took a stroll in an itsy-bitsy pink bikini, Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail was left amazed by her washboard stomach… the red-blooded tabloid has always enjoyed looking at women with ‘athletic figures’.

Hilary Swank was holidaying with her boyfriend in Hawaii with paparazzi from Pacific Coast News keeping an eye on things for Paul Dacre’s army of jealous hacks, tethered to their desks in London.

Eyes front, Ryan! Blake Lively’s top leaves very little to the imagination
When Blake Lively wore an exceptionally low cut top at the Comic-Con convention in San Diego, Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail was left more than a little hot under the colour.

‘[Blake] Lively had obviously decided to give the geeks… something to get excited about,’ exclaimed the red-blooded tabloid. Paparazzi from Splash even managed to capture a hint of nipple.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.