Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Jessica Biel’s plan doesn’t come together when her sheer red dress reveals her black underwear at A-Team premiere
When Jessica Beil turned up in London to promote the The A-Team, the red-blooded Daily Mail exclaimed: ‘she wore an outfit the same colour as the carpet, and managed to flash her black underwear in the process.’

The fashion faux pas was not so bad, says the tabloid which bought the revealing pics from paparazzo Joanne Davidson; ‘given the shapely actress’s well-known penchant for regular workouts at the gym, she needn’t have been too worried about what the flashbulbs would show up underneath her gown.’

Where’s your dress gone, Alesha? Ms Dixon suffers unfortunate wardrobe mishap at Leeds Party in the Park
When Alesha Dixon appeared at Leeds Party in the Park, paparazzi from Big Pictures were waiting in the mosh pit for some upskirt action and were delighted when her dress rose up to reveal a pair of black knickers.

Red-blooded tabloid hack Sarah Bull was waiting at a Daily Mail news desk that has suffered an upskirt drought for some time now. Upskirt shots have long excited Paul Dacre’s organ and telephoto lenses were quickly extended for Alesha Dixon.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.