Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Oh I say, the hemlines are shorter than ever at Wimbledon this year
It’s Wimbledon 2010 and Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail is particularly excited that tennis skirts appear to be shorter than ever enabling the paparazzi to produce a some corking upskirt shots on the first day of the tournament.

Swiss hopeful Stefanie Voegele leads the photo spread with a cheeky upskirt shot revealing a tantalising flash of knickers that is bound to make red-blooded Daily Mail readers’ days.

Bulgaria’s Tsvetana Pironkova is also given the upskirt treatment ‘while the Czech Republic’s Andrea Hlavackova and Russia’s Regina Kulikova all bared their legs on court yesterday,’ reports the tabloid. Shockingly Serb Ana Ivanovic wore white leggings, causing no end of disappointment.

Readers who scroll down through the article may eventually find a passing reference to some first round results.

Zac Efron bares his toned torso as he emerges from the surf in Hawaii
When 22-year-old High School Musical star Zac Efron ‘debuted his newly bulked up frame as he frolicked in the sea’ the Daily Mail’s Suzy McCopin almost slipped off her seat.

Paparazzi agency Splash caught Zac catching some rays in Hawaii where he was attending the Maui Film Festival.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.