Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

David Walliams can’t keep his hands – or lips – off model girlfriend Lara Stone as they soak up some Mexican sun
David Walliams and girlfriend Lara Stone avoided the usual celebrity haunts, reports the Daily Mail’s Georgina Littlejohn, but still could not avoid the long lens of paparazzi agency Matrix Photos.

The pair were caught snogging on a beach in Mexico and the photos rushed back to Paul Dacre’s red-blooded tabloid for Georgina Littlejohn to examine. Reckons Georgina: ‘The pair… couldn’t keep their hands off each other as he rubbed sun lotion on her and stroked her leg.’

After watching the lovers so closely and admiring David Walliams in his bathing costume, Georgina Littlejohn sounds like she did some rubbing of her own.

Time for the gym, Kate? Miss Moss displays saggy bottom in unflattering bikini on Thailand holiday
When paparazzi agency Big Pictures extended its long lens for a bikini-clad Kate Moss, the Daily Mail’s Sarah Bull was delighted to discover the supermodel has a saggy bum.

Sarah Bull calls on Kate Moss to tone up after she ‘displayed her less-than-pert derriere in an unflattering bikini while on holiday in Thailand’. The supermodel ‘wore a tiny brown bikini which did nothing to hide her dimply upper thighs and bottom’.

Nevertheless, Paul Dacre’s tabloid publishes a selection of shots so that red-blooded Daily Mail readers may reach their own conclusions.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.