Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Jenny McCarthy goes public with her new man… a former model with an impeccable set of pecs
Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail knows its readers well and has been particularly anxcious to keep them up-to-date on the love life of former Playboy model Jenny McCarthy, a banana buffers’ favourite.

Jenny McCarthy ‘in a relationship’ with former fitness model Jason Toohey, according to his Facebook page (the well connected tabloid probably knows a friend of a friend). We suspect that the news that Jason Toohey has ‘impeccable pecs’ will come as a disappointment to less fit Daily Mail readers.

Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace leads the D-listers at latest Danny Dyer movie in super-tight minidress
She may be a D-lister, but Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail is in love with Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace and thinks she looks ‘busty’ and ‘shapely’ in a super-tight minidress.

‘The 31-year-old’s willingness to attend functions in revealing outfits is no doubt part of the reason for her enduring appeal,’ sighs the red-blooded tabloid over images captured by Getty.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.