Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

No more feeling flat! Ultimo launches Mega Boost ‘Day to Night Bra’ that adds TWO cup sizes in seconds
The Ultimo public relations team scored another hit with Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail when the red blooded tabloid fell in love with its new Mega Boost bra, which allows women to increase their bra by two cup size in seconds.

Reporter Beth Hale quickly fell in love with the Ultimo Mega Boost, which ‘allows the wearer to opt for some 34B decorum in the office while becoming a look-at-me 34D as soon as the sun goes down.’

Party-loving WAG Abi Clancy exits awards bash falling out of her dress with a mysterious lipstick mark on her chest
When paparazzi agency Xposure Photos turned up at Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail with photos of Abi Clancy with a ‘mysterious lipstick mark’ on her breast and a ‘hello boys’ expression on her face the tabloid newsroom went wild.

Lucky hack Chris Johnson got to annotate the resulting image of Abi Clancy, ‘dressed for the occasion in a very low-cut black criss-cross dress that barely contained her curves.’

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.