Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

It’s addictive as cocaine and just as damaging: So is YOUR husband hooked on internet porn?
Daily Mail erotica correspondent Olivia Lichtenstein has watched porn. Olivia Lichtenstein has read porn. Now Olivia Lichtenstein surfs the web for porn. The rest of Paul Dacre’s team must be sooo jealous.

‘She’s younger than you, and prettier, too,’ writes Olivia. ‘Her breasts are pneumatic, her stomach is taut and flat. She’s never tired and is always ready and available at the click of a mouse.’

What’s more Lichtenstein reckons internet porn is, ‘as addictive as cocaine and and just as damaging.’ Worse, pornography permeates society, she warns, perhaps hinting at the role semi-nude celebrities play in boosting the circulation of Olivia Lichtenstein’s own organ.

I’m not going to be the 23-year-old ingénue again,’ says Cameron Diaz as she toughens up for provocative Madonna style cover shoot
Cameron Diaz has completed a sexy Madonna (circa Blonde Ambition) style photo shoot for V Magazine and Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail has the best pics.

The tabloid found the images a sharp contrast with Cameron’s more usual ‘American sweetheart’ look. Paul Dacre’s team was never comfortable with the pop star’s ‘explicit choreography’ and reckons ‘Diaz is certainly making a statement by following in Madonna’s rather lewd groove.’

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.