Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Miranda Kerr dazzles in new Victoria’s Secret ad campaign – amid rumours of an engagement to Orlando Bloom
Hiring Miranda Kerr, the Australian supermodel romantically linked to Orlando Bloom has won lingerie brand Victoria’s Secret has secured a good sized spread in Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail.

The red blooded tabloid simply loves her dimples, and ‘famous 34-24-34 figure’.

‘Curves aplenty,’ salivates the Daily Mail, ‘it’s no wonder Miranda is in the top 10 highest-earning models in the world.’

Cannes 2009: The T4 ladies on board Steve Jones’ love boat
T4 presenter Steve Jones had the Daily Mail a little hot under collar as he entertained ‘FOUR beauties’ including Heroes star Hayden Panettiere aboard a luxury yacht off Cannes.

The fully extended telephoto lenses of paparazzi agencies Splash, Big Pictures and Matrix Photos caught Jones ‘flexing his washboard abs’ as the girls cavorted. Perhaps most exciting for Paul Dacre’s tabloid, was an opportunity to see a female friend of Hayden Panettiere covering her in sun cream. Phwarh!

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.