Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Stars and strips: Eugenie bares (nearly) all as she whips off her U.S. flag bikini top
Caught ‘cavorting in a very unpatriotic bikini’ Princess Eugenie relived the Daily Mail’s Sam Greenhill by going topless on a Thai beach.

Pondering images of Eugenie that raised the long lenses on Oceanic Media, the tabloid could not tell if the princess was ‘either kissing or blowing raspberries on [a young man's] shoulders’.

Brooke knows best: Hulk Hogan’s daughter shows off sexy figure in skimpy bikini
Brooke Hogan’s father, Hulk (real name Terry), used to her on tight leash using a GPS device to stop her car if she looked like straying where he didn’t like, reports the Daily Mail.

But the toned 20-year-old blonde is not safe from the long lenses of paparazzi agency Splash who caught her parading on a beach in a skimpy blue bikini.

‘She later changed into a long white dress that offset her golden tan, creating a sexy wet look,’ gushes the tabloid.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.