Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Leonardo DiCaprio’s girlfriend Bar Refaeli woos Valentine shoppers for M&S
Leonardo DiCaprio’s latest squeeze, Bar Refaeli, is the latest lingerie model for Marks & Spencer, reports the Daily Mail, which has good size pictures of the model in ‘a red silk bra and pants and a pink spotted set’.

‘Bar peeled off for the shoot, which features a suspender set,’ the newspaper breathlessly explains. Which is just as well, or we wouldn’t be able to see the product.

Olympic swimmer Ian ‘The Thorpedo’ Thorpe shows off his expanding girth after two years away from the pool
Two years away from the pool and former Olympic swimmer Ian Thorpe is getting fat, reports the Daily Mail. Pictures from Pacific Coast News reveal that; ‘While he still has his golden tan and the remainders of a six pack on his torso, Thorpe’s waist [has] noticeably expanded.’

Readers are invited to compare with the athletic physique captures by the European Pressphoto Agency in 2004 and sigh.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.