Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Topless Lily Allen soaks up sun on Caribbean holiday with her mother
In contrast to yesterday’s bikini shots of a glum Katy Perry, a topless Lily Allen appears happy despite the gaze of Big Pictures’ long lens.

Just before Christmas the Mail reported that Lily had shown herself up arriving at PR guru Matthew Freud’s Christmas party with no knickers. This break comes, the paper claims, ‘as she continues her bid to beat the booze’.

Why the long face? Glum Katy Perry takes to the beach during Christmas break in Mexico
Katy Perry looked unhappy as she showed off ‘her toned bikini body… during a sun-soaked Christmas break,’ reports the Daily Mail. Thankfully Matrix Photos don’t holiday at Christmas and armed with telephoto lenses were able to capture a good crop of pics of Perry on the beech.

So despite the long face, we say: ‘phwarrh!’

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.