Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Danny Cipriani practises his handling skills with Kelly Brook in the Caribbean
Kelly Brook and her rugby boyfriend Danny Cipriani made quite a splash frolicking in the Caribbean, reports the Daily Mail, despite Brook being eight years older than the England international.

The ‘impromptu’ arrival of Big Pictures, who just happen to have caught her in the very same bikini with Billy Zane in January, did nothing to spoil the couple’s fun.

Bond’s day off: Holidaying Daniel Craig recreates 007′s famous surf scene
Ever since he walked out of the water in a pair of tight trunks the ladies of the Daily Mail have had a thing for Daniel Craig, heralding him The Bond women have been waiting for and asking other desperate celebs to take The James Bond Trunk Challenge.

Now thanks to the telephoto lenses of Splash, the ladies can check out the merchandise once again.

‘His six pack and muscular arms seemed a little less defined,’ complains the Daily Mail and ‘on Saturday he tucked into a packet of crisps as he picnicked on the beach’. So gawp now, while he’s still got it.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.